Reclaiming Myself: Writing Through Stress
Writing has always been like oxygen to me, and if that’s the case this piece is for the lungs of my soul; for the deep breaths they cry for.
Due to stress overtaking my creative impulses, it’s been far too long since visiting Substack. If anything, my need to conserve energy has forced me to pause, breathe, and move slowly through life whenever possible. Creativity is the first to go when I’m stressed and struggling—it’s been my lifelong sanity-gauge.
But I’m here today. I made it! Now what?
A voice inside responds,
”Now, keep writing. It doesn’t matter what, just write. Remember, you always said you don’t live to write, you write.. in order to live. Really live.”
Stress is something that can arise at any moment, especially with everything going on globally and in the U.S. But it’s a double-whammy when it invades your personal life—some days it’s debilitating.
Here goes.
I have an adult son who immediately ended contact with me after his November wedding, and I was never given a reason. A real WTF experience… all new territory for me. I’m slowly navigating this unexpected terrain of spikes and needles… along with a quicksand of grief that swallows me up from time to time. I find myself staring into space often, and it feels like an intermittent shock that won’t stop. I never know when grief will strike, but I know it’s lurking behind the scenes in every moment.
I also left my mountain home in early November for the nearby desert floor in Palm Springs, California. The adjustment sent my head and heart into a state of overwhelm. My sensitive nervous system is still adjusting to noise, people, traffic, concrete, new scents, limited natural views, man-made (almost)everything, and tight outdoor spaces. I’m happy about the nearby amenities, less driving time, and my adult daughter’s new access to needed services. It’s a major adjustment, though, and I have a feeling it’ll take at least a year for me to assimilate and become fully comfortable here.
There are a few other significant stressors, all of which involve either grief or helplessness, or both. In the midst of that, I’m currently working at Not Abandoning Myself. Something that happens often, especially while in a relationship (no matter how wonderful my partner may be). This week I’m looking at all the ways I’ve left Jill behind, ignored her, or tabled her needs and desires. All the ways she makes herself smaller or less important—that’s been my assignment this week. That’s why I’m writing today. Jill LOVES to write, although she’s shaking because it’s scary… it’s been too long since I’ve allowed this type of vulnerability, but it’s much needed.
”Speak, even if your voice shakes..” is a message from Maggie Kuhn during her work with the Grey Panthers. True courage doesn’t mean fearlessness, it’s acting anyway.
If anyone else reading this is going through some deep, heavy stuff, you’re not alone. The daily news is enough to cause anxiety, shock, stress, and heartache. In the midst of all this, it’s important to remember your center. What brings you joy, what eases difficulties—it could be an activity or the company of another person. Is there someone you need to call or see more often who helps calm your nerves? I’ve been returning to comedies on television because laughter is a true and effective medicine. I’ve been returning to myself more because I know my own wants and needs, and can’t rely on others to meet those consistently.
I’m sending hugs out to anyone resonating with this.
Remember— peace and joy are never gone, they simply burrow deeper inside you waiting to be reclaimed.
Much love,
Jill
xoxo
Thank you for visiting OFF THE PATH. Your readership helps support an independent writer. No AI was used to create this piece, just Jill + her laptop here.
